Friday, June 15, 2012
Thursday, June 14, 2012
RIP Girlie Cat
March 20, 2009
Clint's childhood cat, Cajun (aka Girlie Cat) . She was a jerk to everyone except Clint. He has a way with the ladies...
Clint's childhood cat, Cajun (aka Girlie Cat) . She was a jerk to everyone except Clint. He has a way with the ladies...
How you know it's a party
June 13, 2012
The best stories always provoke deep thought, reflection, a better understanding of others, laughter, and unexpected endings. I, of course, attempt to portray this in the chronicles... this is one of those times.
While in the Detroit airport, I finished a meal at the Detroit 500 club restaurant (sounds a lot fancier than it is) which sports a racing theme. It didn't take long for me to realize why as the food raced straight through my colon and was squealing tires at the finish line.
As I made my way into the men's restroom, I noticed it was a popular place. Probably because it was the closest one to that horrible restaurant. All stalls were occupied. I then noticed a blind man, cane and all, standing in the middle of the restroom. By middle I mean 5 urinals (all occupied) 2 feet on one side of him and 3 stalls (all occupied) on the other side of him. He was alone and waiting for a stall to come open.
A stall came open at the same time a urinal was flushed. He turned slightly one way and then the other. I could tell there was too much commotion for him to know whether a stall door had opened. At this point, I stepped forward and said, “This one just opened up for you buddy.”
He quickly thanked me and stepped into the stall, and shortly after, I stepped into the next one available. As I sat there doing my business, I kept thinking about how difficult that guy had it. I’m sure many of us have thought about how tough it would be to be blind, but I never considered the public restroom scenario. Especially alone.
He would have to reach out and touch around the edges to know what was on each side. If he chose to use a urinal, he would have to touch it somewhere to ensure he was lined up. Not only does he have to touch everything, but he would most likely accidently touch other men while they have their units in their hands (and so you ladies know, we do not speak to men we don’t know while urinating, let alone brush their backs with our hands as we walk by).
And think about how much better this individual’s sense of smell probably is… Not the place I would want that gift.
How about when he does make it into a stall? I have sat, dropped a deuce, and then realized there wasn’t any toilet paper there… and I have the ability to look first. He has to physically find it each time before letting loose or find himself in a very difficult situation. Then, of course, we all have heard the joke: How does a blind man know when he is done wiping?
All of this ran through my head, and I’m feeling deep sympathy for this man. I reach over to grab some toilet paper, look up, and see the following statement written on the wall, “It’s not a party until I cum.” Awesome.
The best stories always provoke deep thought, reflection, a better understanding of others, laughter, and unexpected endings. I, of course, attempt to portray this in the chronicles... this is one of those times.
While in the Detroit airport, I finished a meal at the Detroit 500 club restaurant (sounds a lot fancier than it is) which sports a racing theme. It didn't take long for me to realize why as the food raced straight through my colon and was squealing tires at the finish line.
As I made my way into the men's restroom, I noticed it was a popular place. Probably because it was the closest one to that horrible restaurant. All stalls were occupied. I then noticed a blind man, cane and all, standing in the middle of the restroom. By middle I mean 5 urinals (all occupied) 2 feet on one side of him and 3 stalls (all occupied) on the other side of him. He was alone and waiting for a stall to come open.
A stall came open at the same time a urinal was flushed. He turned slightly one way and then the other. I could tell there was too much commotion for him to know whether a stall door had opened. At this point, I stepped forward and said, “This one just opened up for you buddy.”
He quickly thanked me and stepped into the stall, and shortly after, I stepped into the next one available. As I sat there doing my business, I kept thinking about how difficult that guy had it. I’m sure many of us have thought about how tough it would be to be blind, but I never considered the public restroom scenario. Especially alone.
He would have to reach out and touch around the edges to know what was on each side. If he chose to use a urinal, he would have to touch it somewhere to ensure he was lined up. Not only does he have to touch everything, but he would most likely accidently touch other men while they have their units in their hands (and so you ladies know, we do not speak to men we don’t know while urinating, let alone brush their backs with our hands as we walk by).
And think about how much better this individual’s sense of smell probably is… Not the place I would want that gift.
How about when he does make it into a stall? I have sat, dropped a deuce, and then realized there wasn’t any toilet paper there… and I have the ability to look first. He has to physically find it each time before letting loose or find himself in a very difficult situation. Then, of course, we all have heard the joke: How does a blind man know when he is done wiping?
All of this ran through my head, and I’m feeling deep sympathy for this man. I reach over to grab some toilet paper, look up, and see the following statement written on the wall, “It’s not a party until I cum.” Awesome.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Museum knowledge
While taking my 7 year old niece to the local children's museum, we discovered this sign in the bathroom.
'Cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharped dressed man
May 27, 2012
Have you ever pooped while wearing a tux? This was new to me.
I had to undo suspenders get my vest adjusted so it wouldn't ride up and I have to admit, it isn't real comfortable.
But then I thought, I'm dressed fancier while taking a shit than I am for work...
That made it all worth it.
Have you ever pooped while wearing a tux? This was new to me.
I had to undo suspenders get my vest adjusted so it wouldn't ride up and I have to admit, it isn't real comfortable.
But then I thought, I'm dressed fancier while taking a shit than I am for work...
That made it all worth it.
Shartlight?
An old friend shared this link. http://www.regretsy.com/2012/05/09/turn-on-your-shartlight/
Take a look. You can see the corn when it's lit!
Take a look. You can see the corn when it's lit!
What it means to be a mammal
May 23, 2012
During many of my travels, I find myself in areas much less humid than Evansville. This causes my skin to become dry and in need of some extra moisture. With this in mind, I have started using the hotel lotion each night after my shower with great results.
This evening, after lotioning my entire body (that's right, I can reach most of it), I realized I had just rubbed in hair conditioner all over me instead of lotion...
Now for those of you who have seen me with my shirt off (you're welcome) you know I'm a bit more mammal than a lesser man. Well, I can now report that at this point in time, rubbing my chest is like petting a young rabbit. Furry, soft, adorable.
During many of my travels, I find myself in areas much less humid than Evansville. This causes my skin to become dry and in need of some extra moisture. With this in mind, I have started using the hotel lotion each night after my shower with great results.
This evening, after lotioning my entire body (that's right, I can reach most of it), I realized I had just rubbed in hair conditioner all over me instead of lotion...
Now for those of you who have seen me with my shirt off (you're welcome) you know I'm a bit more mammal than a lesser man. Well, I can now report that at this point in time, rubbing my chest is like petting a young rabbit. Furry, soft, adorable.
Bathroom Etiquette
May 11, 2012
Ok folks, I can't make this stuff up...
Currently sitting in Atlanta's airport, doing my deed. First off, this toilet is the complete opposite of Colorado's yesterday. This one is so low (Amber Boyd would be thrilled) it's like I'm deucing in a hole in the ground like they do in Africa (thanks for that bit of trivia Matt Hennesy).
But that's not the reason for the post. There is currently a guy in here, at the urinal, rapping. No head phones, no friends, just flowing the best he can.
This is awkward.
For those of you who are not familiar with bathroom etiquette, it is the same as a porn shops... No talking... and wash your hands.
Ok folks, I can't make this stuff up...
Currently sitting in Atlanta's airport, doing my deed. First off, this toilet is the complete opposite of Colorado's yesterday. This one is so low (Amber Boyd would be thrilled) it's like I'm deucing in a hole in the ground like they do in Africa (thanks for that bit of trivia Matt Hennesy).
But that's not the reason for the post. There is currently a guy in here, at the urinal, rapping. No head phones, no friends, just flowing the best he can.
This is awkward.
For those of you who are not familiar with bathroom etiquette, it is the same as a porn shops... No talking... and wash your hands.
Glorious Mountaintops
May 10, 2012
Pooping in Colorado Springs airport and the toilet is so high, if I sit (no "h" ha!) straight up, I can swing my feet. Must be how Amber Boyd feels daily.
I guess everything is about altitude here in Colorado. The toilet is often called the throne, and a throne is an area to sit high and mighty. Currently, I'm just sitting high... Not so mighty.
Then again, I am in the Rockies and creating my own mountain...
Pooping in Colorado Springs airport and the toilet is so high, if I sit (no "h" ha!) straight up, I can swing my feet. Must be how Amber Boyd feels daily.
I guess everything is about altitude here in Colorado. The toilet is often called the throne, and a throne is an area to sit high and mighty. Currently, I'm just sitting high... Not so mighty.
Then again, I am in the Rockies and creating my own mountain...
Kitty love
Have you ever rubbed your spouse, fiance, bf/gf's feet while they were pooping? No? And you have the nerve to tell them you love them...
Monkey Attack
April 19, 2012
I had just finished my business (sort of) in the Omaha airport when I noticed a guy standing outside my stall waiting for the next stall to open (bit of a group poop in progress). The problem with this is I am 95% sure he was watching me through the crack in the door. I think our eyes even met.
How could I wipe while getting the stink eye from this prick? I have to be honest, I contemplated a monkey attack... this would have involved me taking a wipe and tossing it over the door at him. I talked myself out of this. Best case, I would be right that he is watching me and he would dodge it because he saw it coming. Worst case, he was innocent and would be assualted by flung poo. I chose to wait until another stall was free and he moved to complete my business.
Home
April 13, 2012
One more flight then home for 4 days... I know many like to put Evansville down or say they can't wait to get out. I've been back and forth across this country, and I will tell you now: Evansville is home. It will always be home. Call the river dirty, call the corn fields boring, call the Lloyd a stop light pit, call the weather ridiculous, call the Ford Center cramped, call the north siders snobs, call the south siders ghetto, call the west siders inbred, call the east siders newburgh wannabes, but in the same breath, call it ours... I wouldn't want it any other way.
One more flight then home for 4 days... I know many like to put Evansville down or say they can't wait to get out. I've been back and forth across this country, and I will tell you now: Evansville is home. It will always be home. Call the river dirty, call the corn fields boring, call the Lloyd a stop light pit, call the weather ridiculous, call the Ford Center cramped, call the north siders snobs, call the south siders ghetto, call the west siders inbred, call the east siders newburgh wannabes, but in the same breath, call it ours... I wouldn't want it any other way.
Pinterest boards
Mar. 27, 2012
Haven't had a poop update in a while... pooping now.... in the Omaha airport. I've pooped here before, but not this stall. I would recommend it. Good color scheme, relaxing music, two rolls of tp. Mens' restroom, near A gates, first stall on right. Put in on your "places to poop" board on Pinterest.
Haven't had a poop update in a while... pooping now.... in the Omaha airport. I've pooped here before, but not this stall. I would recommend it. Good color scheme, relaxing music, two rolls of tp. Mens' restroom, near A gates, first stall on right. Put in on your "places to poop" board on Pinterest.
Steak Dinners
Feb. 8, 2012
Just had an awesome steak at Anthony's in Omaha. Then Matt Hennessy and I took turns dropping dueces... good times!
Just had an awesome steak at Anthony's in Omaha. Then Matt Hennessy and I took turns dropping dueces... good times!
Anomolies
Feb. 3, 2012
While passing through security in Grand Rapids, I was screened in one of the full body scans. This machine can detect a gum wrapper in your pocket. While standing there waiting to be told I'm good, the TSA agent is radioed.
He says, "They are registering an anomaly in your groan area."
I smiled and replied, "Thanks. Could you tell that to the cute agent up there checking tickets?"
At this point every agent within ear shot was laughing. Needless to say I was taken to a side room felt up from head to toe with emphasis on my goodies. As inconvenient as this was, I was never angry or disrespectful.
The moral of the story is don't get bent out of shape at someone for doing their job.
While passing through security in Grand Rapids, I was screened in one of the full body scans. This machine can detect a gum wrapper in your pocket. While standing there waiting to be told I'm good, the TSA agent is radioed.
He says, "They are registering an anomaly in your groan area."
I smiled and replied, "Thanks. Could you tell that to the cute agent up there checking tickets?"
At this point every agent within ear shot was laughing. Needless to say I was taken to a side room felt up from head to toe with emphasis on my goodies. As inconvenient as this was, I was never angry or disrespectful.
The moral of the story is don't get bent out of shape at someone for doing their job.
Where to begin...
This blog is a collection of tales from the toilet. Literally. My husband travels regularly and for whatever reason he has the tendency to update his Facebook about his, erm, bowel movements. As horrid as this may sound, he has quite the following.
I'm a school teacher and have the summer off. Rather than cleaning out my fridge (which is what I should be doing, but have convinced myself can probably wait), I decided to build a quick blog.
I am taking his updates and posting them as separate posts for all the world to see. Hopefully, he will update this on his own. Until then, I will copy/paste/edit away.
Enjoy!
The Missus
I'm a school teacher and have the summer off. Rather than cleaning out my fridge (which is what I should be doing, but have convinced myself can probably wait), I decided to build a quick blog.
I am taking his updates and posting them as separate posts for all the world to see. Hopefully, he will update this on his own. Until then, I will copy/paste/edit away.
Enjoy!
The Missus
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